With You Is Where My Heart Belongs
by i.cant.find.the.spacebar
Summary: The New Year is fast approaching. Jackson can't stop thinking about Aaron, but he knew he was right to lie to the eighteen year old all those weeks ago. But Aaron isn't coping either. Will they both be able to move on? Will 2011 be better than 2010?
1. Goodbye 2010

Title: **With You Is Where My Heart Belongs**

Synopsis: The New Year is fast approaching. Jackson can't stop thinking about Aaron, but he knew he was right to lie to the eighteen year old all those weeks ago. But Aaron isn't coping either. Will they both be able to move on? Will 2011 be better than 2010?

Chapter 1: Goodbye 2010

* * *

~25th December 2010~  
-Jackson's Home-

'Merry Christmas,' Hazel said joyfully to her son as she entered the living room of their two bedroom cottage, but he didn't answer her or even remotely share her enthusiasm.

Jackson was sitting on the sofa, his mobile phone in one hand and a can of beer in the other. Hazel fought back the threat of tears as she looked at how sad and depressed Jackson had become. She couldn't let her son see how much his situation upset her. Hide behind a brave face, that was Hazel's motto. Jackson was a far cry from the same person she knew six months ago, who was constantly texting her when she was living in Jamaica, saying how happy he was and that he'd met someone amazing.

'Bit early for that,' she said, sitting herself down next to Jackson and tapping the side of his beer can lightly.

"Don't start," Jackson replied before taking another long gulp. It was already his third can since he woke up an hour and a half ago, not that he would be telling his mum that. It wasn't worth the grief he'd receive.

'Do you want to open your present?'

'Maybe later,' Jackson replied.

'Right. Well Bob's coming over for a bit this afternoon; I thought we could play Monopoly or something.'

'Wooo exciting,' Jackson mocked.

'Ok, you're clearly not in the mood to talk. I better get the turkey in the oven then.'

Hazel left Jackson alone and went into the kitchen. He took another gulp of his beer and then looked at his mobile. He couldn't stop staring at the text message he'd received at 00:53 this morning. He wasn't sure whether he was pleased to hear from him or if it just made him feel even more depressed than ever. He also couldn't decide whether to reply or not.

**HAPPY CHRISTMAS. Aaron xxx**

Jackson scrolled through his mobile looking for his favourite photo of Aaron. It was taken during their holiday in Lanzarote four months ago. Aaron was standing by the hotel pool, with no top on and a beer in his hand. He had a big grin on his face and in the past it never failed to make Jackson smile. But not now, instead of a smile it brought a lump to Jackson's throat. He ran a thumb over the screen, sighing as he did so.

'Call him.'

Jackson jumped out of his skin, his mobile falling out of his hand and down onto the carpet by his feet. Luckily it wasn't his beer that went flying. He turned to see Hazel looking over his shoulder from behind the sofa.

'Mum d'you mind?' he said with a frown.

'I don't know why you're being so stubborn. You're clearly still besotted by him.'

'I don't wanna talk about this.'

'No you just wanna stare at his photo instead. Jackson you can't pretend with me, I can read you like a book.'

'He left me remember?' Jackson tried to reason with his mother.

'Yeah because you lied to him,' Hazel retorted.

'So, he still left didn't he? What does that tell you about him?'

'That he was a normal eighteen year old lad, scared and overwhelmed by everything.'

'If he- If he'd felt anything for me, he wouldn't have left,' Jackson said quietly and thoughtfully. 'Now can we please stop talking about it please?'

'Sure,' Hazel conceded. There was no use pushing the subject anymore, she could tell Jackson was getting upset by it. But she wasn't going to give up on the subject altogether. Sometimes she knew her son better than he knew himself.

'Mum, can you pass me my phone please?'

Hazel picked the mobile up from the carpet and handed it to Jackson before returning to the kitchen. Jackson hadn't seen Aaron for over two months now and it was killing him. He remembered their last conversation as though it was yesterday, and it still troubled him when trying to sleep at night. It had taken all his courage and broken his heart to lie to Aaron that day, but he had to know, because there were no guarantees at the time, and there still weren't any now. It would have been selfish for him to hang onto Aaron even though that was what he wanted most in the whole world.

He wasn't interested in Christmas presents or playing bloody monopoly with his mum's boyfriend, he just wanted Aaron. The bottom line was that he could be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, and he was going to make sure it only affected his life, nobody else.

* * *

_~22nd October 2010~  
-Hospital-_

_The test results were back. Doctors had informed Jackson that he was currently paralysed from the neck down, it wasn't temporary, but they gave him a 70% chance of regaining feeling in his upper body and a 40% chance of regaining feeling in his legs. To Jackson that read as a 90% chance out of 200% (nearly half) of never regaining any feeling whatsoever. But he was grateful that it wasn't a full gone conclusion that he would be permanently paralysed for the rest of his life. He needed that hope to cling onto and have something to go on living for._

_He struggled with the news though. At first he was shocked and couldn't even find the will to let his emotions out. He'd told the doctors not to tell anyone the results and when his mum and Aaron came in later that day he pretended to be asleep until they left. That night as the hospital quietened down, Jackson began to cry. He was facing the possibility of never moving again, or feeling anything, from the neck down._

_It was the following afternoon and Aaron came to see him. His mum had been in already but Jackson hadn't told her anything yet, he wanted to deal with Aaron first._

_'Hiya,' Aaron said with a big smile on his face. 'That doctor you fancy is on duty, you not been flirting with him have ya?'_

_'No,' Jackson smiled._

_'Good. So how are ya? I came yesterday but you were well out of it.'_

_'Yeah sorry, I was tired yesterday. The er- The doctors ran a load of tests.'_

_'Oh right,' Aaron replied, looking more serious now and worried. His heart quickened as he asked his next question. 'Did they find anything out?'_

_'Yeah,' Jackson said quietly and he looked downwards, not daring to look Aaron in the eye. 'There's er- Nothing they can do.'_

_'What?' Aaron gasped._

_'I'm- I'm paralysed- From the neck down.'_

_'No, no, no they must have got it wrong, there must be something they can do,' Aaron said in panic._

_'There isn't,' Jackson replied. 'Aaron nobody would blame you for walking away.'_

_'What are you talking about?' Aaron asked harshly. 'Do you really think I'm that shallow, that I'd be that cruel?'_

_'You care about me, I know that, but this is a completely different ball game. I'm going to be like this forever. This is it, my life. Do you really want to be a part of that? Dress me, wash me, brush my teeth, shave me, move me, and feed me, every single day.'_

_'Jackson I-' Aaron sobbed, his eyes brimming with tears. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Jackson finally looked up at him, holding back his own emotions as he saw how upset Aaron was. It broke his heart whenever he saw Aaron cry._

_'Is that really the life you want for yourself Aaron? Being a full time celibate carer to a cripple?'_

_'Don't talk like that,' Aaron begged Jackson through his tears, instinctively reaching out to touch his arm but then letting his hand drop to his side._

_'Why? It's the truth innit? You need to face the harsh reality Aaron."_

_Aaron looked up to the ceiling, swallowing hard and struggling to stop the tears. He couldn't look at Jackson, he just couldn't. He was right; he would never, in a million years, last as Jackson's carer and boyfriend. No matter how much he cared for Jackson, to settle for a life like that at eighteen, he wouldn't do it. Not for anyone, it wasn't about Jackson; it was about him and who he was. So was it fair to stick around until the moment it became unbearable? Until he dreaded waking up every morning knowing what awaited him? Did Jackson deserve that?_

_'I'm sorry,' Aaron whispered, closing his eyes as he said it._

_'Don't be,' Jackson replied, his own eyes welling up with tears. 'I'd do the same if it was the other way around.'_

_Without even looking at Jackson again, Aaron took a deep breath before walking out of the hospital room. He never came back.  
_

* * *

~25th December 2010~  
-Aaron's Home-

It was gone midnight when Aaron got home. He let himself in quietly, not wanting to wake Paddy up, and went upstairs to his bedroom. He'd spent Christmas Eve at the Barton's house, drinking beer and playing board games. He'd tried to enjoy himself and in a way he did. But always in the back of his mind was the thought of Jackson, and how they should have been spending their first Christmas season together, curled up on the sofa watching films and winding each other up.

Sitting on his bed, Aaron looked at his mobile, debating whether or not to send Jackson a text. He wondered what he was doing right now. Was he sleeping? Was he awake? Did he ever think about him?

Aaron would never forget the last time he saw Jackson; it made him cringe all over just thinking about it. He walked away from him, and he would forever feel ashamed of himself for that. But just because Jackson wasn't his boyfriend anymore it didn't mean his feelings had suddenly stopped. He missed him. That day at the hospital when things had ended, Aaron had gone back to the village, run straight to find Chas and broken down in her arms. For the first time in his life, he wanted his mum and needed her comfort.

Aaron hadn't seen Jackson since, but had seen Hazel once.

* * *

_~28th October 2010~  
-The Village-_

_Aaron was working at the garage when he spotted Hazel. She arrived in the village with a van to collect her and Jackson's belongings. For a moment Aaron was planning to ignore her but she didn't deserve that after everything that had happened, and in the end he walked over although he felt incredibly nervous._

_'Er how's Jackson?' Aaron asked Hazel, who had her back to him. She turned around, but instead of the hard expression he was expecting, it was soft and gentle._

_'The same,' Hazel replied. 'He's coming out of hospital next week so I'm getting everything sorted.'_

_'Oh right. Um, how is he feeling about that?'_

_'Apprehensive.'_

_'Do you think I should- Go and see him?' Aaron asked shyly._

_'As a friend?'_

_'Um yeah- I suppose,' Aaron replied, not looking Hazel in the eye._

_'I don't think that would be a good idea.'_

_'No I guess not,' Aaron agreed with a sigh. 'He must really hate me.'_

_'He doesn't hate you Aaron. But for Jackson to move on he needs to- To fall out of love with you. He can't do that if you're still around.'_

_'I know, it's just-'_

_'You miss him?' Hazel asked with a sad smile._

_'Yeah.'_

_'Time is a great healer Aaron. Take care of yourself,' Hazel said, her voice betraying a lot of emotion. She gave Aaron a quick hug and then disappeared into the house. Aaron held back the tears as he slowly walked back to the garage.  
_

* * *

~25th December 2010~  
-Aaron's Home-

Aaron was pretty tipsy and therefore his brain was telling him that sending Jackson a Christmas text wouldn't do any harm. What was the worst that could happen? Jackson didn't reply? So what. He undressed to his boxers, climbed under his duvet and then sent Jackson a text before closing his eyes and nodding off.

**HAPPY CHRISTMAS. Aaron xxx**

* * *

~1st January 2011~  
-Jackson's Home-

**HAPPY NEW YEAR. Aaron xxx**

Jackson stared at the text, feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness. It was the morning, but the text had arrived just after 1am.

Jackson had never replied to Aaron's Christmas text in the end, he didn't really know what to say. But now that he'd sent another one he thought it would be rude not to reply. Aaron's texts had been bland and to the point, he was under the impression Jackson was paralysed therefore unable to pick his mobile up, let alone access his messages or type out a text by himself. So Jackson made sure the text he sent back looked like something he'd have been prepared to relay to his mum.

**Happy New Year. I hope this year won't be so dramatic for you.**

* * *

~1st January 2011~  
-The Woolpack-

'Happy New Year.'

All around him Aaron could hear the cheers as the clock struck midnight and a new year had begun. He glanced around the pub, everyone was either talking, singing, laughing or kissing. He couldn't help thinking that it should have been him and Jackson.

Aaron had woken up on Christmas morning to find no answer to his text to Jackson. He was disappointed but had he really expected a reply? A week later and he was wondering whether it had been a good idea. Maybe Jackson had been angry? But an hour later at 1am when Aaron was staggering back home drunk, his brain once again told him to send Jackson a text before falling asleep.

**HAPPY NEW YEAR. Aaron xxx**

Aaron woke up at eleven in the morning. He had a headache from hell and knew it would be one of those days when he just snapped at anyone who spoke to him. He needed some painkillers. He picked his mobile up and saw he had a few text messages received, no doubt the usual bunch of Happy New Year texts from friends and family. But it wasn't until he went to his inbox and saw that one of them was from Jackson that he remembered sending the text before going to bed.

His heart pounded as he read the text, all thoughts of his hangover long forgotten. This was the first contact he'd had from Jackson in over two months, even if his mum had to be the one to type the message and send it on his behalf. Aaron smiled a genuine smile for the first time in weeks.

**Happy New Year. I hope this year won't be so dramatic for you.**

* * *

To be continued.

Thank you so much for reading :) If you've got this far please let me know what you thought of the first chapter :)


	2. Things Get Worse

Title: **With You Is Where My Heart Belongs**

Synopsis: The New Year is fast approaching. Jackson can't stop thinking about Aaron, but he knew he was right to lie to the eighteen year old all those weeks ago. But Aaron isn't coping either. Will they both be able to move on? Will 2011 be better than 2010?

Chapter 2: Things Get Worse

* * *

~28th January 2011~  
-Hospital-

'We're very happy with your progress Jackson, you've come a long way.'

'Still can't feel my legs though,' Jackson sulked, looking out of the window instead of at the doctor. He was sick of getting patronised. Yes he'd got some movement and sensation back in his arms but he was still dead from the waist down. He was still in a wheelchair and he still needed to be taken care of like a baby.

'Jackson, don't be rude,' Hazel said beside him.

'It's alright,' the doctor said to Hazel. 'It's understandable that patients get frustrated when there's little or no progress between assessments. How are you finding the physio sessions Jackson?'

'Alright I suppose,' Jackson replied.

'Right, we'll see you again for some tests in a couple of weeks and then we'll take it from there. But keep up with the physio.'

'More tests. Great,' Jackson mumbled.

Jackson and Hazel left the doctors office and made their way out of the hospital. They stopped outside, Hazel sat on a bench and took her mobile out of her bag.

'I knew your Dad would be late,' she said to Jackson.

'Give him a chance, it's only just gone four.'

'Are you sure you want to go to your fathers, I can always cancel Bob you know? I don't mind.'

'No, you go. It's not every day he offers to take you out for dinner. Anyway, it'll be nice to spend some time with Josh.'

'Well if you're sure,' Hazel said uncertainly.

'Mum, I'm sure,' Jackson told her with a smile.

Just then they both spotter Jerry pulling up in his car. Hazel hadn't even got the chance to call him and nag him about being late. Jerry got out of the car and walked over to them. He looked at Jackson as he spoke.

'Sorry I'm a bit late, how did the appointment go?'

'Same old speech about carrying on with physio and having more tests.'

'Right, so no more news?'

'No,' Jackson replied quietly.

'Well maybe the next lot of tests will tell us something positive.'

'Maybe,' Jackson said with a sigh. His Mum and Dad were always so 'glass half full' but Jackson didn't want them getting their hopes up. Things might never get better, that was just a fact they had to live with.

'We better get going, I'm parked on a double yellow,' Jerry said.

'I'll see you later then,' Hazel said to Jackson, standing up from the bench.

'Yeah, bye Mum.'

* * *

~28th January 2011~  
-Bar West-

Aaron arrived at Bar West just after 9pm, with two goals in mind. To get drunk and to get laid. He got himself a beer and sat at the bar for a bit. He recognised a few people now to say hello to so knew he could socialise if he wanted, but in order to look available he needed to be on his own. He took the last gulp of his beer and put the glass down on the bar. He was about to get the attention of the bar maid when someone spoke to him.

'Hi.'

Aaron turned his head to see a guy standing by him. He was pretty good looking, about mid twenties he would have guessed.

'Hi,' Aaron replied.

'Are you here on your own or am I interrupting something?'

'No, I'm on my own.'

'What's your name?'

'Aaron.'

'So Aaron, will you let me buy you a drink?'

'I was always told not to accept things from strangers.'

'Sorry, I should have introduced myself. I'm Lee.'

'Well Lee, I'll have a beer thanks,' Aaron smirked and Lee smiled at him.

An hour and half later Aaron and Lee were still sitting at the bar, chatting. Aaron wasn't really fond of small talk but as long as he knew or felt it was leading to something more, he was prepared to go along with it.

'No boyfriend at the moment then?' Lee asked.

'Would I be here with you if I had?' Aaron retorted, a brief thought of Jackson entering his mind, but he pushed it away.

'I like to double check, you know how some couples are into open relationships?'

'Oh right, well not me,' Aaron replied.

'So,' Lee said, leaning closer to Aaron. 'I know it's a cliche, but your place or mine?'

'Yours,' Aaron smiled.

'Well let's drink up then.'

The answer was always 'Yours' whenever Aaron was asked that question. He'd never invited a guy back to Smithy's, it just didn't feel right. That was the bed he had shared with Jackson, the bed they'd first had sex in, the bed he had spent weeks crying in after Jackson's accident.

Aaron had lost count of the number of one night stands he'd had. It was a helpful distraction and something to do away from the Village. So far he'd never spent longer than a night with another guy. Of course he found each of them somewhat attractive, but so far no sparks, no chemistry, no feelings other than lust.

* * *

~28th January 2011~  
-Hotton-

It was 11pm and Jackson's Dad was driving him home. He was tired and couldn't wait to get home to his bed. He was staring absently out of the car window when he became aware that the street they were on was very similar. Then he saw ahead of them, Bar West, the pub where he'd had the most amazing nights and the pub where he'd met Aaron nearly a year ago.

'Pull over for a sec Dad.'

'Why?' Jerry asked.

'Please Dad.'

Jerry didn't question his son further and stopped the car. They were on the other side of the road to Bar West, which was still a little ahead of them, but Jackson could clearly see the entrance. He had so many happy memories in that place, especially ones to do with Aaron.

He remembered the first time he ever clapped eyes on Aaron in Bar West. He was at the bar ordering drinks and Aaron was beside him, and of course with any guy he hadn't seen before, he checked him out. He thought Aaron was cute. It wasn't until ten minutes later when Jackson was playing pool with a friend that he clocked Aaron again, sitting alone and constantly looking around him and clearly out of his comfort zone.

He asked Aaron if he wanted to play pool, but the teenager couldn't get away from him fast enough. It was then that he realised Aaron was still in the confused/denial stage of coming out.

Jackson smiled to himself as he reminisced. But then his heart stopped and his stomach dropped. Aaron had just walked out of Bar West, and he wasn't alone. Alongside him was a good looking bloke, not someone he'd seen before and they were laughing about something. Jackson looked on as he witnessed Aaron and his date climb into a taxi and drive off.

'Jackson?'

'Yeah?' Jackson answered his Dad quietly.

'Are you ok?'

'Yeah,' Jackson lied, looking at his Dad and giving him a small fake smile. 'Sorry, we can go now.'

Jackson was grateful that his Dad hadn't seen Aaron, or if he had, kept quiet about it. Half an hour later, as soon as was alone and in his bed, Jackson cried himself to sleep.

* * *

~4th February 2011~  
-Bar West-

Another Friday night, another night in Bar West. Aaron was on his fifth beer and seriously considering calling it a night. He didn't know why, but he'd been thinking about Jackson a lot the last few days. Maybe because Valentines Day was approaching? But Aaron didn't "do" pathetic things like Valentines Day. He was miserable and he knew it showed. He barely looked up from his pints all evening. Looking at his watch Aaron decided he may as well catch the last bus home which was in twenty minutes.

As Aaron made his way past two guys on the way to the toilet he heard a snippet of conversation that made him stop dead in his tracks and pretend he was interested in the painting on the wall.

'Yeah I spoke to his Mum the other day. Oh what's her name?'

'Hazel.'

'Yeah, she said Jackson still wasn't ready for visitors.'

'It's been months though.'

'I know, I guess he doesn't want his friends to see him so helpless.'

'But locking yourself away and only ever having your Mum for company? I'd be climbing the walls.'

'Funny.'

'Oh shit, well you know what I mean.'

'We can only keep trying, he'll have to give in at some point. Another drink?'

'Yeah go on.'

The two guys walked off to the bar to get their drinks. Aaron could feel his heart rate pounding beneath his chest. They knew Jackson, and they'd been in contact with him, even if it was through Hazel. Aaron didn't recognise either of the guys so knew he'd never been introduced to them by Jackson. Without thinking and abandoning his trip to the toilet, Aaron walked back to the bar and stood next to the guy who'd said he spoke to Hazel.

'Glass of house white and a pint,' the guy said to the barmaid.

Aaron was looking at him and caught his eye. The guy smiled. Aaron smiled back then shyly looked away. As the guy was taking his change a minute later Aaron sneaked another look. The guy was looking at him again, he took a sip of his pint, his eyes never leaving Aaron's. Aaron had to say something, anything. It was now or never. He took a deep breath.

'So I take it the wine's for your boyfriend?' Aaron asked, inwardly cringing at the cheap line.

'No, he's not my boyfriend,' the guy smiled, eyeing up Aaron. He felt embarrassed. 'Can I er, buy you a drink?'

'I'll leave you to it,' his friend said beside him, taking his wine and giving Aaron a wink as he walked off.

'I'll have a pint, ta.'

'Greg.'

'A- Adam,' Aaron replied, almost slipping up on the name. Greg may not know him to look at, but the name Aaron might mean something.

'Why don't you grab a table, I'll be over in a minute,' Greg said.

* * *

~5th February 2011~  
-Jackson's Home-

Jackson was miserable. He couldn't stop thinking about Aaron, out on the pull, having the time of his life and endless one night stands no doubt. Or maybe the guy he was with was a boyfriend. Last Friday was the first time he'd seen Aaron in over three months and it had shaken him up badly. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, what was the point? The man he was in love with couldn't give a toss and clearly never thought about him much, or at all. He'd even started to think that the Christmas and New Year texts were just a group send to all his contacts, he hadn't referred to him by name or anything. If that was the case Aaron must have thought it a bit weird when Jackson replied.

Jackson sighed, looking at his mobile in his hand. For days now he'd been tempted to send Aaron a text, asking him if he had a good time last Friday, but fortunately he had resisted so far. No matter how much it hurt to know that Aaron was moving on, it really wasn't any of his business. Aaron had a life to lead, that's why Jackson had lied to him back in October, so Aaron could go off and and find someone else, not a cripple in a wheelchair.

Jackson closed his eyes and tried to think of something calming. He thought back to last August and September and smiled sadly as he remembered the last night of their holiday in Lanzarote. It had been one of the best nights of his life.

* * *

_~13th September 2010~_  
_-Lanzarote-_

_After going out to dinner and for a stroll along the beach to let their food go down, Aaron and Jackson went to a bar and ordered cocktails. They sat down at a table and both took a sip of their drinks, Jackson had gone for a Sex On The Beach but Aaron had plumped for a local surprise concoction._

_'Woah that is so strong,' Aaron said as he screwed his face up. Jackson laughed at him._

_'What do you expect from a "surprise" cocktail?' Jackson mocked._

_'Shut up,' Aaron smiled._

_'So have you had a good holiday?' Jackson asked, briefly placing his hand on Aaron's knee._

_'Yeah it's been the best. You?'_

_'I've had better,' Jackson smirked._

_'Oi,' Aaron shouted, lightly hitting Jackson on the arm and they both laughed._

_'No, it's been great. Especially the company.'_

_'And the sex,' Aaron said quietly._

_'Why do you always have to lower the tone?' Jackson asked, but he was smiling._

_'Because I do. Now shut up and drink your cocktail.'_

_'You know we still haven't talked,' Jackson said to Aaron after a few sips of his drink._

_'About what?' Aaron asked._

_'Our living arrangements.' _

_'Oh right. Are you- You still planning on getting your own place?'_

_'I guess so, if that's what you want?'_

_'Well what do you want?'_

_'I'd rather stay with you, but I know it's awkward for-' _

_'No, I want you to stay,' Aaron said hurriedly. He meant it too. The thought of Jackson living in town and only seeing him in the evenings and weekends didn't bear thinking about._

_'Really?' Jackson smiled._

_'Yeah. I like having you around, I like waking up and knowing you're there beside me.'_

_'Aww how sweet,' Jackson said playfully and Aaron started to look embarrassed, rolling his eyes to the heavens._

_'I'll take it back if you ever say that again.'_

_Jackson leaned forward and kissed Aaron on the lips. Pulling back slightly Jackson looked into Aaron's eyes. He could see the passion dancing in them, he knew tonight was going to end like every other night of the holiday, in bed having sex._

_Everything was perfect._

* * *

~5th February 2011~  
-Jackson's Home-

Jackson heard a key in the front door and opened his eyes, blinking a few times as the light hurt his eyes. Hazel walked into the living room a few seconds later carrying two shopping bags.

'I thought I'd do spag bol tonight, is that alright?'

'I don't care,' Jackson replied.

'I could do something else if you'd prefer?'

'Whatever,' Jackson sighed.

'Did your Dad say anything to upset you last week?' Hazel asked.

'Like what?' Jackson frowned.

'I don't know, but ever since he brought you back you've been in a right funny mood.'

'Have you seen me lately?' Jackson shouted slightly, gesturing to his legs. 'What do you expect me to be doing, cartwheels? Going out on the lash?'

'Jackson, you know it's not productive to sit around feeling sorry for yourself all day. Why don't you invite some friends over?'

'No thanks.'

'Maybe another night then. I'll put the dinner on.'

Hazel went into the kitchen and unloaded the shopping. She then walked up the stairs and put her coat and shoes away in her wardrobe and then sat down on her bed with a sigh. She felt like crying, but she wouldn't. Stay positive, that was Hazel's motto. Her mobile started ringing and she took it out of her trouser pocket. She didn't recognise the number.

'Hello?' she answered. There was silence on the other end of the phone. 'Hello?'

'Please don't hang up,' a voice said quietly.

'Who's this?'

'It's- It's Aaron.'

'Aaron? Blimey, you're the last person I expected to hear from. How did you get my number?'

'Long story. Anyway, how- How's Jackson?'

'He's- He's coping, just about,' Hazel replied. She couldn't believe Aaron had called, he sounded so concerned. She also hated lying to him, but she'd promised Jackson.

'Can I come and see him?'

'I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Jackson's a bit fragile at the moment, mentally I mean. I don't think seeing you would help.'

'Right. I understand.'

'But maybe one day,' Hazel suggested, giving him some hope.

'Thanks. Um, you can say no but would- Would it be alright if I called you now and then to see how Jackaon is?'

'Of course. I'm really pleased to hear from you Aaron. Take care.'

'Yeah bye.'

* * *

To be continued.


	3. Is It Love?

A/N: Thank you **SO** much for the reviews for Chapter 2, they were so helpful in motivating me forwards, I'm glad you guys are enjoying the Aaron and Jackson ride! I hope you like this chapter :)

A/N: I just want to say how sorry I am to hear of the death of Gavin (Emmerdale Producer) RIP :(

* * *

Title: **With You Is Where My Heart Lies**

Synopsis: The New Year is fast approaching. Jackson can't stop thinking about Aaron, but he knew he was right to lie to the eighteen year old all those weeks ago. But Aaron isn't coping either. Will they both be able to move on? Will 2011 be better than 2010?

Chapter 3: Is It Love?

* * *

~11th February 2011~  
-Aaron's Home-

Aaron was sitting on the sofa in the living room, beer in hand and a celebrity reality programme on the TV. He wasn't really watching it, but it was better than sitting in complete silence. He heard the front door open and close and a few seconds later Paddy appeared in the room.

'Oh, not going out tonight?' Paddy asked, surprised at seeing Aaron, as he never usually stayed in on a Friday night.

'Nah,' Aaron replied, taking a sip of his beer. Paddy sat down beside him, reached for the remote control and turned the TV off. 'What ya doing?'

'Can we talk?' Paddy replied.

'About what?'

'Well- Are you alright?'

'Yeah why?'

'You've been a bit- Well quiet lately, and I can't recall the last time you were here on a Friday night.'

'What's wrong with a night in?' Aaron retorted. 'I'm tired.'

'Aaron?' Paddy pushed him, looking sternly at Aaron.

'I don't wanna talk about-'

'Aaron,' Paddy said raising his voice. 'Talk to me. I won't let you leave until you do.'

'It's Jackson,' Aaron sighed.

'Has something happened? Is he ok?' Paddy panicked.

'He's fine. Well, as fine as he can be I suppose. I spoke to Hazel.'

'Right. Er how?'

'I got her number from someone. I just- I can't stop thinking about him. I really want to see him.'

'Aaron no matter what you think, you have to do what's best for Jackson. What did Hazel say?'

'That it wasn't a good idea right now.'

'Well there you go then. You need to accept that.'

'But- Oh I dunno. Paddy, do you think that- That I should have stood by Jackson? You know, at least tried instead of walking away?'

'Oh. Um, I- I don't- Well if-'

'Please just be honest with me,' Aaron asked, smiling briefly at Paddy's flustered ramblings. Paddy nodded and took a few moments to gather his thoughts before speaking again, this time more coherently.

'I think, you did the right thing at-'

'Then why do I feel so- So lost all the time? Why can't I think about anything else?'

'Well if you'd let me finish. You did the right thing at the time. Whether or not things have changed since, well that's for you to figure out.'

'What d'you mean?' Aaron asked with a frown.

'Well if what you feel is guilt at how things ended or that you somehow owe him because you feel responsible, then you need to try and move on Aaron. It was an accident, Jackson knows that, and your bound to think about him and wonder how he's doing. You went through a lot together.'

'This isn't about guilt.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah. I mean, I do feel guilty about everything, and I cringe when I think about how it all- All ended. But it's more than that. I miss him. I really miss him.'

Aaron had tears in his eyes now. Paddy really felt for him, but Aaron had to see that moving on was the best thing for him. One day he would be with the love of his life and he'd be able to look back at this time of his life and cherish the fond memories he had with Jackson.

'Aaron, Jackson isn't- I mean, he can't be the person you remember from before the accident. He's paralysed, he needs twenty four hour care, and he can't just decide to nip into town for an all nighter. And I imagine like anyone in his position, he will never quite have the same personality again. The chances are amongst the ok or even good days, there will be a lot of bad days. You're nineteen, you don't need-'

'Don't you think I know all that?' Aaron said, crying now. He wiped his eyes with a sleeve. 'Why do you think this is eating me up so much? I want the Jackson that made me laugh, that told me crap jokes, that made me smile even when I was in a mood, that would be there every morning and every night. But I know I can't have that Jackson. I just keep thinking that- That any Jackson is better than no Jackson.'

'Aaron, do you love him?' Paddy whispered.

'I- What?'

'You heard me.'

'I- I'm not answering that.'

'Why not? You seem to be saying you want to get back together with Jackson, surely that would never happen unless you-'

'Just drop it alright? That's between me and Jackson.'

'Ok,' Paddy replied, he was worried that Aaron didn't seem to understand what he was implying. He had to try a new tact. 'Aaron, you do know that- That if you did get back together with Jackson, you won't be able to have the relationship you had before. There's- There's things he wouldn't be able to do. There's things you wouldn't be able do together?'

'Are you going on about- About-'

'Sex,' Paddy replied, looking away from Aaron who was frowning at him.

'Don't you think I've thought of that?' Aaron said. 'Why is everyone so obsessed about sex? There's more to life than-'

'But Aaron, it's a healthy aspect of a relationship. You still have needs, being with someone who you lo- Really care about, who you find attractive, but can't- You're bound to get frustrated and it will eventually become a problem and-'

'No it wouldn't,' Aaron whispered, shaking his head. 'Don't you get it? I've been going out every week, going back to a different guys house at the end of the night and- And I'm just not that interested. It doesn't make me happy, it passes the time. None of them are Jackson. I've been waiting for someone, anyone, to make me feel even a tiny bit how Jackson made me feel and nothing.'

'Give it some more time.'

'I don't need more time.'

'Are you sure?' Paddy asked with a deep sigh.

'Yes.'

'Then don't go in there all guns blazing. Take it slowly.'

'I will. I've got to find out where he lives first.'

* * *

~12th February 2011~

-Jackson's House-

Jackson was holding his new iphone in his hand. His Dad had given it to him as a present earlier that afternoon. He'd always wanted an iphone, but he'd barely shown any enthusiasm. He tried a small smile though, for his Dad's sake. Nothing made him happy these days. After entering some contacts, Jackson went onto the internet. Google popped up. He thought for a few minutes before typing in the website for Facebook.

He hadn't logged on to Facebook since his accident. Well at first he was incapable of doing so, and then it hadn't particularly occurred to him, why would he torture himself by seeing what great lives his mates were having? But it was something to do, so he went for it.

Jackson logged in. He had 29 friend requests and 64 messages received, as well as numerous wall posts. But ignoring all that he went straight to Aaron's profile, his fingers shaking as he did so. He'd recently been tagged in some photos by Adam. Jackson couldn't resist the curiosity and had a look. They were taken at Christmas time at the Barton's home. Aaron looked gorgeous, he was wearing jeans and a jumper and in nearly every photo he had a can of beer in one hand.

Jackson could feel the emotion building up inside of him. He felt so stupid, why did he feel like crying over a few photos? Aaron was getting on with his life, just as Jackson wanted him to. He went to his own profile. It still said 'In A Relationship' and his profile photo was of him smiling, taken last summer.

Jackson sighed. He changed his relationship status to single, deleted Emmerdale as his location and deleted his work information. He then he went through his friends list and deleted anybody that took more than five seconds for him to remember how he knew them.

He read all the messages and wall posts he'd received. A few times he could feel the tears building, but managed to keep it under control. They were mainly from friends wishing him the best and saying sorry for what happened. A lot of them started along the lines of 'I know you probably can't read this...'

Again, Jackson couldn't really do anything too personal (such as reply to messages or comment on wall posts) unless it sounded as though his Mum had typed it. He thought for a few minutes before typing a status and pressing submit.

_It's not possible to respond individually but Thank You to everyone who has sent kind messages_

* * *

~12th February 2011~  
-The Woolpack-

Aaron was sitting at the bar, on his own and drinking a pint. He was tired, he hadn't slept much the previous night. He'd laid awake thinking about his conversation with Paddy and of course about Jackson. He felt nervous about what he planned to do. He was hopeful that Hazel would give him their address (even if he had to do a lot of persuading), but didn't have a clue what to do beyond that.

Go there and blurt it out that he wants Jackson back? Say he wants to be friends and take it from there? What if Jackson wasn't interested? What if Jackson rejected him?

Chas entered the pub with Charity, and she spotted Aaron, telling Charity to get a table and she'd join her with the drinks. She sat down by Aaron.

'You alright?' she asked her son.

'Yeah,' Aaron replied.

'Well you don't look it, no offense.'

'Cheers.'

'Come on, what's the matter? Boy trouble?'

'Something like that,' Aaron replied, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of his pint.

'Oh, so have you been seeing someone? Is he nice? Can I meet him?'

'No, I haven't been seeing anyone,' Aaron answered with a frown. 'Just drop it yeah?'

'Ok. Do you want another?' Chas asked, nodding at Aaron's nearly empty glass.

'Yeah go on.'

Chas bought the drinks and then left Aaron to it to join Charity. Aaron's mobile beeped, he'd received a text from Adam. _Have you seen Facebook?_ Aaron wasn't really in the mood to look at drunken photos from Adam's latest night out, but it would be something to do for a few minutes to have a nosy around Facebook.

Aaron accessed Facebook on his mobile, and when the homepage loaded he froze. His news feed showed a status from Jackson written 30 minutes ago. He swallowed thickly and could feel his pulse rising rapidly. Even though he knew Jackson couldn't have written it himself, he still would have dictated what to write and would have been shown all the messages on his wall. Aaron had read all of them over the last few months.

Aaron took a few deep breaths. He came out of Facebook and then sent a text to Adam. _Can we meet up? I need some advice_

* * *

~14th February 2011~  
-Jackson's Home-

Hazel was pottering about in the kitchen, cleaning away dishes and doing laundry. Her mobile started ringing. She picked it up from the kitchen table to see Aaron's name. She quietly closed the kitchen door so Jackson couldn't overhear and then answered.

'Hello,' she said quietly.

'It's Aaron. I need to see Jackson,' Aaron said in a determined voice.

'Aaron, I don't know if-'

'Hazel, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.'

'I beg your pardon?'

'Look, I'm sorry, but I have to see him, please.'

'Why? Aaron I really don't want you upsetting him, he's down enough as it is. Like I said the other day, give it some time, wait until Jackson's ready to be friends.'

'I don't wanna be friends with him,' Aaron replied impatiently.

'Then why do you want to see him then?'

'Because- Because I want him back.'

'What?'

'I can't keep away any longer, Hazel, please,' Aaron begged.

* * *

The doorbell rang and Hazel jumped up from her seat at the kitchen table, taking her coat and bag with her. She got to the front door and opened it slowly, revealing Aaron standing there, his hands in his pockets and a nervous look on his face. Hazel stepped out.

'If you hurt him,' she warned Aaron quietly. 'You won't know what's hit you.'

'I won't,' Aaron replied. 'I swear.'

'One hour,' Hazel said before she walked off away from the house. Aaron watched her leave, then took a deep breath before going into the house and shutting the door behind him.

'Who was it?' he heard Jackson shout. He smiled at the sound of his voice. His heart rate was going like the clappers.

Aaron slowly made his way through to the living room. From the doorway he could see the back of Jackson, sitting on the sofa and watching a game show on the TV.

'Mum?'

Aaron walked towards the sofa, then paused briefly before moving in front of Jackson, who for a moment seemed speechless, but then found his voice.

'Wha- What the hell are you doing here? Where's my Mum gone? Why-'

'Right, just- Just be quiet you. I've got something to say and- And I want you to listen.'

Jackson looked at Aaron in shock. Just seeing Jackson in front of him, in the flesh, was an amazing feeling for Aaron, it confirmed in an instance that he was doing the right thing. Jackson looked so vulnerable and fragile just sitting there looking up at him with utter confusion in his eyes and a frown on his forehead. Aaron wanted to kiss him so badly. But they needed to talk first. He had to do this properly.

Aaron switched the TV off and then dropped to his knees in front of Jackson, not wanting to tower over him whilst he spoke. The nerves were building and he desperately wanted to hold Jackson's hand, but knew he wouldn't be able to feel it.

'I don't want you here,' Jackson said as Aaron braced himself for what he wanted to say.

'Jackson, please, just listen to what-'

'How did you know where to find me?' Jackson cut in.

'Your Mum,' Aaron replied. 'Are you gonna keep interrupting?'

'I don't understand, why are you here?'

'Well that's what I want to tell you,' Aaron replied with a smile. 'If you let me get a word in edgeways that is.'

'Alright, five minutes,' Jackson sighed. 'Then I want you to leave.'

'Ok,' Aaron nodded. 'I- I can't live without you. You know, the past few months have been the worst of my life.'

'Snap,' Jackson replied with a small smile.

'Sorry, I didn't mean- I just haven't been able to move on or stop thinking about you. I've just spent all my time either working, drinking or- Um-' Aaron looked away from Jackson briefly, not knowing how to say the words, but it was going to sound bad however he said it.

'Sleeping around?' Jackson answered for him and Aaron closed his eyes for a moment, a feeling of deep shame washing over him. Jackson had no idea where this was leading. Did Aaron want sympathy from him? Did he think they were going through the same thing? It was hard for him to think clearly with Aaron right there in front of him. He was still in shock.

'Yeah,' Aaron admitted in a whisper when he opened his eyes again.

'I can't deny that doesn't hurt,' Jackson replied, remembering how he felt when he saw Aaron and another guy getting into a taxi. Jealously was a horrible trait but he couldn't help it. 'But I understand. I saw you actually, coming out of Bar West one night. My Dad was driving me home.'

'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't be,' Jackson smiled. 'At least one of us has been having fun.'

'That's just it though, I wasn't having fun. I was miserable and I was just passing the time. Nobody has made me feel even a hundreth of how you made me feel.'

'Aaron, what are you saying?' Jackson whispered.

'I wanna be with you. I need ya.'

'What? Are you mad? Have you forgotten that I'm-

'Paralysed? Of course I haven't. Why does everyone keep questioning me on that?'

'You've spoken to people about this?' Jackson asked.

'Yeah, to Paddy and Adam. Oh and your Mum, to persuade her to give me the address. This isn't a spontaneous decision you know, Jackson I-'

'Aaron I'll be honest, a part of me wants nothing more than to have you back. But that's the selfish part. The logical part knows it can't- Can't ever happen, and deep down you know that too and-'

'Oh for God sake,' Aaron shouted impatiently and without thinking he put both his hands on Jackson's legs and looked deep into his eyes. 'I don't care what you say, I want you back and I'm not leaving. Nothing will make me change my mind.'

Jackson smiled, but it quickly faded as he looked away from Aaron for a moment, trying to imagine what life would be like for Aaron if they got back together. He looked back at Aaron sadly.

'I bet I could change your mind,' Jackson said quietly and Aaron frowned. 'Bed baths. Toilet duty. Dressing me. Feeding me. Hospital visits. No sex.'

'I don't care,' Aaron replied. 'Do you really think I haven't thought about all that?'

'Aaron,' Jackson sighed. 'I don't think you-'

But Jackson didn't get to finish the rest of his sentence. Aaron had leaned forward and captured Jackson's lips in a desperate and passionate kiss. Jackson kissed back, giving Aaron the go ahead to enter his tongue into Jackson's warm and moist mouth. Aaron's hands moved up to Jackson's neck, wanting to touch a part of him that he could feel. Aaron could feel himself getting turned on instantly, he always did when he kissed Jackson. Neither of them knew how long the kiss went on for, both completely lost in the moment, but when they couldn't cope without air any longer, Aaron pulled back, putting his hands back on Jackson's legs.

'Um, so- So that would be enough for you would it?' Jackson asked breathlessly.

'More than enough,' Aaron replied with a smile, his cheeks a faint pink colour.

'Are you certain? Maybe you haven't given this enough th-'

'Jackson, I love you,' Aaron stated simply, his eyes boring into Jackson's. It felt so good to finally say it out loud. He almost laughed at the look on Jackson's face, his eyes were wide with shock. Aaron beamed at him, feeling a lump in his throat.

'Sorry?' Jackson said eventually, shaking his head. Had he heard right the first time?

'I love you,' Aaron replied.

'Wow,' Jackson whispered and then his mouth curved into a smile. He slowly lifted his right hand and placed it on Aaron's neck, never taking his eyes away from Aaron's. He then used his thumb to lightly stroke Aaron's cheek

'Oh my God,' Aaron gasped with tears in his eyes. He took the hand in his and felt Jackson's squeeze. 'What the- I thought they said it was permanent?'

'I lied,' Jackson whispered, tears in his eyes too. 'I'm so sorry, I had to.'

'Why would you do that?'

'I had to make you leave me, whatever it took. There was a chance I could have been paralysed permanently from the neck down forever. I wanted you to have a proper life.'

'You are my life,' Aaron replied, the tears falling now. 'You're such a stubborn idiot d'you know that?'

'You've called me worse,' Jackson smiled. 'Aaron, I've got my arms and upper body back, and yeah there's a chance I may walk again one day. But there's an even bigger chance it will never, ever, happen.'

'Then we'll just have to deal with it, together.'

'Are you sure?' Jackson asked seriously, struggling to hold his own tears back.

'Yes. Jackson?'

'Yeah?'

'Happy Valentines Day,' Aaron said with a smile and Jackson laughed.

* * *

To be continued.

Thank you so much for reading :) If you've got this far please let me know what you thought of the third chapter :)


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